Just a few days ago, i was relieved since i was able to write about my sentiments on being childless... (read my past blog entitled another sleepless night). Blogging for me is an outlet of my deepest sentiments in life! i thought I would be able to rest from stress... but a few days ago, my cousin Doris gave birth to a baby boy through CS delivery. My uncle texted my mother announcing that He has a new grandson! Doris is one of my closest cousin since she's just 1 year older than me. She just got married a few months ago and now she's blessed with a baby boy.
I am happy for her! I really am! It's just not so so so easy for me to manage the situation. Another addition to the clan but not from me...again. I am excited to see my nephew... i am so eager to visit my cousin, since I may take advantage of the situation that she's on maternity leave... that simply means: WE HAVE ALL THE TIME TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING! Just like the good old days when we were still young ... had the chance to sleepover and talked and giggled all night long....
But it's so different now... How can I show to her that I am sincerely happy, while my heart is bleeding deep inside! what a phrase!!! I wonder where all my words came from??? Maybe it's really from my heart! uh-oh! I'd like to drop by and show my concern, maybe bring stuffs for her baby or give her a gift to congratulate her for having a baby - but there are things that bothers me and making me think twice to have a "personal appearance"! I know i would be hearing negative things which I hate or don't want to hear at all!!! I may hear things such as: "O! naunahan ka na naman!" or "Ikaw, kelan na??? ang bagal!" or worst... "aysus! dai ka naman maaki!!!". Who would love to hear such words??? It's not a good thing to laugh at! Good thing I haven't slapped anyone pa naman! Hahaha! But who knows! I may some day!!! I can't control myself... I really can slap some one if it hurt me to the max! So I decided not to visit her instead... at least I am making myself free from any additional pain in my heart!!!
I hope someday... Doris would have a chance to read my blogs... this one especially!!!
I am happy for her! I really am! It's just not so so so easy for me to manage the situation. Another addition to the clan but not from me...again. I am excited to see my nephew... i am so eager to visit my cousin, since I may take advantage of the situation that she's on maternity leave... that simply means: WE HAVE ALL THE TIME TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING! Just like the good old days when we were still young ... had the chance to sleepover and talked and giggled all night long....
But it's so different now... How can I show to her that I am sincerely happy, while my heart is bleeding deep inside! what a phrase!!! I wonder where all my words came from??? Maybe it's really from my heart! uh-oh! I'd like to drop by and show my concern, maybe bring stuffs for her baby or give her a gift to congratulate her for having a baby - but there are things that bothers me and making me think twice to have a "personal appearance"! I know i would be hearing negative things which I hate or don't want to hear at all!!! I may hear things such as: "O! naunahan ka na naman!" or "Ikaw, kelan na??? ang bagal!" or worst... "aysus! dai ka naman maaki!!!". Who would love to hear such words??? It's not a good thing to laugh at! Good thing I haven't slapped anyone pa naman! Hahaha! But who knows! I may some day!!! I can't control myself... I really can slap some one if it hurt me to the max! So I decided not to visit her instead... at least I am making myself free from any additional pain in my heart!!!
I hope someday... Doris would have a chance to read my blogs... this one especially!!!
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