i once read in my friend's friendster shout out that a woman's greatest achievement is to be a mother: i read it over and over and over again until my mind fully absorbed the phrase... actually that thought is never new to me... remember the winning answer of Ms. India, Sushmita Sen, during the Ms. Universe pageant??? the essence of a woman is to bear a child!!!
Actually that kind of thought always hit me! It's hard to admit that up to now i am not yet complete as a woman. I've been married for more than 5 yrs but is not yet blessed to have every woman's joy... a baby. i would be a hypocrite if i will say that i am not affected on being childless.... i've struggled enough with that reality... it's hard for me since i love kids so much... i know that i would be a good mother to my children, but unfortunately, my prayers are not yet enough... though i don't lose hope but i am in deep pain.
it's hard especially that I belong to big family. almost every year, there is an additional member to our family. my cousins who are younger than me, already have kids and sometimes there are family gatherings which i don't want to attend. All i got is just additional pain! I know that people sometimes gives suggestions, comments on my being childless, it's because they care, but maybe i am just being attacked by paranoia that i took it negatively. but i hope others can also understand my situation.
My faith is the one that makes me strong!!! amidst these trials, still i am not losing hope.... i know i still have the chance. but if to the extent that i would not really be a blessed to be mother... i don't think i am not essential as a woman, i may not achieve my greatest dream, but what is important is that i can accept my destiny, it is what the LORD has prepared for me... all we just have to do is learn to accept what is meant for us... it is painful but life must go on...
Oh!!!! i am becoming so emotional again!!! it's not yet over!!! right??? Sometimes mean people are the one who makes my situation miserable... I pray that God will give them enough wisdom to understand me and my feelings.
Actually that kind of thought always hit me! It's hard to admit that up to now i am not yet complete as a woman. I've been married for more than 5 yrs but is not yet blessed to have every woman's joy... a baby. i would be a hypocrite if i will say that i am not affected on being childless.... i've struggled enough with that reality... it's hard for me since i love kids so much... i know that i would be a good mother to my children, but unfortunately, my prayers are not yet enough... though i don't lose hope but i am in deep pain.
it's hard especially that I belong to big family. almost every year, there is an additional member to our family. my cousins who are younger than me, already have kids and sometimes there are family gatherings which i don't want to attend. All i got is just additional pain! I know that people sometimes gives suggestions, comments on my being childless, it's because they care, but maybe i am just being attacked by paranoia that i took it negatively. but i hope others can also understand my situation.
My faith is the one that makes me strong!!! amidst these trials, still i am not losing hope.... i know i still have the chance. but if to the extent that i would not really be a blessed to be mother... i don't think i am not essential as a woman, i may not achieve my greatest dream, but what is important is that i can accept my destiny, it is what the LORD has prepared for me... all we just have to do is learn to accept what is meant for us... it is painful but life must go on...
Oh!!!! i am becoming so emotional again!!! it's not yet over!!! right??? Sometimes mean people are the one who makes my situation miserable... I pray that God will give them enough wisdom to understand me and my feelings.
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