Mother's Day: the day i died...

Mother's Day... a special day to honor MOTHERS. For years, i excitedly celebrate this day to honor my mother and my mother-in-law and the rest of the special people in my life who are now mother's in their own ways.... I made the day special by buying special gift for my mothers and aunts, it may not be expensive but it comes from my heart. Another way of making the day special for them is by giving them yummy lunch and dinner! LOL! I hope i made their day special!



I also honored my friends who are dear to me on that special day... i woke up early and managed to reload my cellphone to text and great them a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!! it's a big effort though! HAHAHA!!! But surely it is! Let me introduce to you my special friends (with their adorable babies) who just celebrated their special day... dyaraaaannnnnn.... hahaha ... do i sound crazy??? hahaha pasensiya na sa mga wala sa picture!!! limited space only! LOL!


ooooppppssss... maybe there's something wrong with this picture??? 'noticed the image on the center??? hmmm... let it be! LOL!

But this special day is also the day i died!!!! It is a known fact that I'm still childless for years, but I have taken it lightly and positively! But unexpectedly, Mother’s Day got me. At one time , I was at the point of tears. .. hea y downpour! LOL I received several text messages that day, greeting me a "happy mother's day"... goodness gracious!! but it's ok... i took it lightly... i was not (so) offended. But something really got into my nerves badly!!! I've experienced my lowest moment from not-so-good-people, telling mean things about my situation... one of the worst thing that ever happened in my "childless life" ,but i'll not write the details here in my blog... repeating the story adds pain... Letting it out once is a good remedy already... Thanks to my friend Nanette for hearing me out... "hearing???" LOL... literally, reading my 3 to 4-part text messages LOL!

This year's mother's day was one memorable day of my life!!! I DID NOT ATTEND MASS THAT DAY: I really intended (and so is my husband) not to be present at that inevitable moment. At many churches, there comes a point after the mass where the priest says, “I’d like all you mothers to stand” and everyone applauds as women of all ages rise and smile and will be handed with flowers. For this reason, I may not hear mass on Mother’s Day for now... Is this reason valid?? maybe for me! I do practice gratitude and recognize the many graces of my days. But I would have preferred motherhood, and so this single boycotted day of the year is my simple way of loving myself.. i know GOD understands...

I just have a wild thought or imagination on what I would say if I were a priest on Mother’s Day. I would ask the mothers to stand, because they deserve applause, by all means. But after they were seated, I would give special commendation to all those women who were not mothers. And maybe I would say something like this: Whatever your reason for being childless, please know this: you are a source of life to the world. You possess the ability to nurture others, may it be your family or friends, and if you free yourself to do so, you will be amazed at how motherly you actually are.

There is no substitute for physical motherhood. And for one who longs to have children ...nothing else will do. ONLY YOU! Don’t ever deny your grief... Don’t minimize the burden of emptiness...Don’t repress your desire to give birth. That desire is a unique and particular energy of womanhood, for those who have children and those who have not.

I don’t give up hope of becoming a mother myself, but rather remember where my true hope lies..........

Every time i hear mean things about me still not having a baby... i try not to mind them and not to take their mean words seriously... but i'm a just a human..i have my weakest point. I am not a super woman who can take all the pains, who can always smile even if my heart bleeds, who can always respect people who humiliates me. I just thank GOD for giving me strength... Anyway, I AM DEFINITELY OK!!! A night of tears and reflection now uplift my spirit.... it's so good to cry once in a while... isn't it?

a great loss...

it's been quite a while since my last blog. So many things happened before 2008 fades away... We were not on our usual super-festive-holidays. My father-in-law passed away a few days before christmas. I never imagined that i would experience celebrating holidays in a funeral home...For me, it was the most emotional christmas i've ever had in my entire life. Until this very moment, we are still recovering from a great loss especially my husband who loves his father dearly. But still, life must go on... Even Pa Nor (my father-in-law) will be sad to see as mourn all our lives, so the least we could do is to be happy for he has already entered the kingdom of heaven.

Now i can say that I am finally back in my blog world!!!

my xmas nightmares

It’s strange but true. As the excitement of Christmas Day grows and peaks, our hearts overflow with joyous anticipation of life’s deepest meanings (for us christians). Still, there are those who look at the celebrations about them and instead feel alone in the world they inhabit.

I was watching television one late night, when one commercial got my attention. For me, it's paying tribute to call center agents, wherein I was once a part of that "toxic" human life!!! The commercial gracefully glides around surprising a son, a call center worker, when the whole family transports their Noche Buena table to the call center’s grounds so he could celebrate with them. In the 30-seconder-ads, there’s this tug at the heart as I see the young man working hard at night while the world outside the brightly lit call center lies in darkness. From floors above, he recognizes his beloved family laying out a table laden with traditional goodies for Noche Buena. Right on his office grounds! He is overjoyed and comes down lugging his own office chair to join them....

I almost got to tears when the commercial ended! I didn't even finished the late night news that I was watching...I suddenly went on my memory lane... remembering those Christmas Holidays where i was all alone, forcing to shut my eyes and go to sleep, acting deaf not to hear christmas carols....

Working on Xmas Eve was always a nightmare for me. Imagining the happy celebration of my family while I was stucked on my table with headsets on my ears talking to subscribers who calls on an unholy hour!! Whew!!! I still remember one christmas Season, wherein I had a night shift on xmas eve and my off fell on the christmas day itself, dec 25. My housemate Tina, had the chance to be with her family so she went home, and I was all alone in the house, so I stayed all day at the house and maybe it was the longest sleep I had in my entire life!!!

I now realized that money/success really cannot buy happiness... I remember during Christmas season, we really can feel the christmas spririt thru bonuses! (let's face the fact! employees are all expecting for bonuses...more and more and more bonuses!) There was a time wherein we received a big announcement from the management... it was a payday and together with the basic pay was a 3-month-equivalent bonus!!! Whew! that's a lot!!! Our salary then was enrolled into mobile banking so we can check right away our bank accounts thru our mobile phones, and i was astonished when i saw the amount that I would be getting!!! But the smile and joy faded in a snap of my fingers... I have no one to celebrate with... My friends/officemates rushed to the ATM machine inside our building and bought cakes for pasalubong for their families... while me, I went home sadder than my usual lonely day!

But now, I am with my family! I may not have all the luxuries that i used to have... I may not have the "shop-til-u-drop" moment... I may not have my "oh-so-corporate-look"... But I am happy and contented with what I have.

But working in a call-center-world was such a challenging experience. I am proud to say that I have at least penetrated the corporate world with flying colors.

SISTER GABBY

Another Sunday came... It was our scheduled visit to our dear friend Maricel, now sister Gabby. We were all excited... finally!!!

As we entered the convent, we already saw Sister gabby... we can see the nervousness in her face. I was the first one who got out of the car and upon seeing me, Sister Gabby immediately enveloped me with her warm embrace. I felt her happiness as i felt her body shivering... Maybe sister Madel really stood to her promise not to tell Sister Gabby who her visitors will be... She was so happy to see Ernie. Ernie, my husband, was her elementary classmate by the way.

I opened the car and she was again surprised to see our other friends Mayla, Au, Ann and Cel. She was so happy and teary-eyed at that moment. It was almost 3Pm and just in time fot the 3 o'clock prayer. We entered the Adoration Chapel and there prayed as thanksgiving for our reunion.

As what Sister Madel promised, Sister Gabby gave us a tour to the beauitful place of Trinitas. it was a garden of beautiful flowers and green vegetables! It was so refreshing... just looking at the green bushes around the place and not to forget the calmness... but the silent monastery was visited by the chipmunks! hahaha!!! Suddenly, laughters can be heard all over the place. Sister Gabby was all alone in the convent, the rest of the nuns went downtown, maybe went shopping??? Hahaha!!

Then there we met Father Vladimir Echalas, a very kind priest who helps run the Society. He was so kind to let us in to his so beautiful and artistic home! I'm not kidding! It's so one of a kind. It's a beautiful native hut , but the inside is so artistic. And not to forget the cute tree house just adjacent to his quarters. He was so happy to know that we visited Sister Gabby and he even took some of the pictures since he was into photography. And we invited Fr. Vlad and the 3 boys who lives with him to our simple snacks that we brought for Sister Gabby. The kind priest immediately granted our invitation and we had a very happy afternoon snacks them, but of course with hilarious laughters and teasing...

It was time to bid goodbye and we promised Sister Gabby that we will be back in a couple of weeks just before her final vow... And surely we will, since we wanted some time with the other sisters who were not there at that moment... Maybe they left the convent in purpose... Maybe they wanted us to be with Sister gabby privately! On our way out of the convent, Sister madel and the other Sisters has just arrived! We cannot delay our stay at that moment , we were about to drop Sister gabby and Sister beth at the church for the mass. We just promised that we will be back ... Surely we will....

It was so compensating. It's so great to have reunited with our good friend Maricel/Sister gabby. All of us agreed that it's much better than to meet at the Mall... eat out...but the best of all, our friendship becomes stronger since it has an additional binding... a religious binding. And meeting father Vlad and the rest of the Sisters is another blessing from SOMEONE up above!

SISTER MADEL

i've been planning to write this blog about my friend a couple of weeks ago, but i was so busy these past few days and i have an early-to-bed-early-to-rise attitude! or i can say that i am so exhausted in the day that i tend to sleep early... anyways, about 2 weeks ago, i was in my usual "night-habit"...(if i hear my husband snoring loudly, i jump out of bed and turn on my PC and there it goes... my WWW life up to the wee hours of the morning or until my eyes are still widely open!)

one late night, i happen to get bored and just kept on browsing until I found a website wherein you can find your high school batchmates... and i enjoyed it since i can view familiar names of my classmates especially those whom i haven't seen after high school graduation. And a certain name got my attention: SOLT Sr. Gabriella Dioneda. I have a very good friend named Maricel Dioneda and I know that she entered the monastery after college. The last time i saw her was more than 5 yrs ago. And with her name, is her email address and a link of a website of SOLT (Society of Our lady of the most Holy Trinity). I opened the website and learned that the monastery is located just near our place and in fact, i've been there years ago but doesn't have the idea that she's in that monastery. I e-mailed her immediately, telling her how happy i was to have found her e-mail address.

And just 2 days after, i already got a reply!!! I was so thrilled while opening the mail, i know i have a great longing since she's a very kind-hearted friend way back in high school. I was just thinking about her when i wrote my blog about concordia... maybe it was an instict that soon i'll be reunited with her. I felt her happiness while reading her mail... she was so happy that I found her and maybe it's a coincidence... she's having her final vows on December and she invited me and my husband Ernie to attend. I immediatelly e-mailed back and promised to be there on her special day! So many things was on my mind... But i didn't gave her details since it would be a surprise for her!

One Sunday morning, I told my other friends(mayla, au, ann and cel) about how i had this instant communication with Maricel or Sister Gabriella. And then we made a plan to visit her on that same day! Why wait for December??? Why not now?? Instant! hehehe! that's our friendship power! hehehe

When we arrived at the monastery at about 3Pm, we were welcomed by Sister Madel, she's the one running the monastery... We're unfortunate since our friend Maricel just left a few minutes ago and will be back on the next day! Ooohhh!!! But still, it turned out to be a good afternoon!!! Sister Madel offered us tea and pinuso (native rice cake). The pinuso was one of the best rice cake i've ever tasted! We had a great time with Sister Madel and other sisters, like Sister Elizabeth and the Thai nun (i forgot her name). The two-hour stay was very fun! I never thought that it would be a great conversation. The sisters were very kind, very humorous and wacky! imagine??? wacky sisters??? hahahaha... but literally... they are!!! the monastery was so silent when we came, and in just a few munites, we we're all laughing so hard with Sister Madel's stories. Maybe it was God's plan that we weren't able to meet our friend Maricel/Sister Gab, for us to meet and get to know more Sister Madel and the others .

After 2 hours of great conversation, we finally bid goodbye and promised to return the next Sunday. It was so nice to have sister Madel as a new friend.... and I know that it will be an everlasting friendship since it is blessed by SOMEONE up above!

trauma

Last Saturday was a very exhausting day!!! it was a day that tested my strength as a responsible daughter, sister and person all in one... I woke up early since i was the one responsible for my mama's catering business since she's in Korea (but of course with the help of my Tita Merly). I gathered all the things that we needed and headed to the place where we prepare our catering (at our canteen). when my husband parked the car, i saw that my tita Merly was already inside the canteen. I was all smiles and teasing her while walking to the door since she was not late that morning (she's always late btw :)) But her face was serious, and then she asked me if went there last night... then I said no. Then i was shocked when she said "Bhe, I'm afraid we were robbed". When I looked inside, as if it was hit by a typhoon!!! It was all shattered!!! Some of the things were missing! When I went down at the working area of the kitchen, i felt my body froze when i realized that 2 LPG tanks were missing!!! A few cases of softdrinks, canned goods, utensils, my favorite waffle maker, etc. Oh no! Not at this time!!! And when i looked up at the ceiling, there's a big hole and i knew that the robbers went in through the ceiling!!! I felt like crying!!! I didn't know what to do at that moment!!! I immediately called my mama and papa in Korea and told them what happened, of course they cannot do anything about it, and as the one who's in charge of the family and businesses, i should be the one thinking solutions to problems!!! i just thank my husband for assisting me in times like this. Good thing that my two uncles (my mom's brothers) immediately came upon learning what happened. it was a great help... just having someone to depend to... of course even if we are old enough that we can stand on our own, in times like this, we still need our "olds" to give us assistance to all things which we think we're weak. But "the show must go on"! we immediately found ways to prepare for our catering. Good thing that the robbers did not took the stuffs and foods that we prepared ahead of time, if not? i may not know what to do!!! We reported it to the barangay captain, and we have learned that we were not the only ones that were robbed... series of robbery occurred that same night!!! The neighboring canteens and other business establishment were prepared since they were given a hint by some people in the neighboring areas. They already anticipated for they saw several suspicious men wandering in the area. We were just unfortunate that we weren't advised since we didn't operate the day before the break-in happened. It's only material things... things that we can buy anytime.

But the trauma is still in my mind. I can't sleep at night, especially when it's raining so hard!!! I'm afraid that the robbers may come back since they didn't get all the things that they wanted (they left a few items). I also fear that robbers may also break-in at our house, and my two siblings, Ara and Akeem, are the only ones left and our house is still a few blocks away. Every time I wake up in the morning, i immediately go to my parents house, to check if my siblings are okay. My parents will be back barely 2 weeks from now, but for me it's a long wait!!! i know my fears will subside only if they're back already. For now, i get my strength from my husband Ernie. I am having a hard time forgetting what happened and worrying what may happen. I am stressed and tensed, maybe because i am the one in-charge of everything (with the help of my husband) and also because it's not about myself that i only care for, but most of all, because i have to attend to my other two siblings. i just pray so hard to the Lord, that nothing will happen again and that all of us will be safe especially my beloved Ara and Akeem!

APPRECIATING MY PARENTS

It's been more than a few weeks since my last entry..So many things happened! I was so busy in the day that i couldn't stay up so late. I was physically exhausted since my parents left for Seoul, Korea to visit my sister. I was the one in-charged with their business and of course to take care for my younger siblings. Very tiring but i understand... It's my obligation since I'm the eldest in the family. So many things happened... challenging!!! But at least it made me more independent and responsible.

From the day they left (Oct. 18), i felt a little bit uncomfortable... i felt alone as if i was the one leaving! LOL! Well, that's me! So melodramatic! hahaha... As if i carry the whole world! Just imagine! waking up early to go to the market as early as 530 AM? (and i must buy all the stuffs i need in less than an hour since my husband who drives me to the market should be home by 630 since he has to prepare and should leave for office by 730! imagine we did that for a week now and we will still be doing it for another 2 weeks! and i'll just have a quick shower and again leave to go to my mama's business! It was just a week, but i felt so exhausted! Super-duper-over-to-the-max!!!!!!!!! plus, minding my father's business. he left me with several index cards, with instructions on it regarding his business. while attending to my mama's business, i attend to my father's bank transactions and other financial dues that i have to go from one place to another to complete a certain transaction! whew! that's a lot!!! When i get home in the afternoon, or should i say, barely evening, i'm all burned out! and i still have to prepare our dinner since my 2 younger brother and sister eats with us until my parents arrives! sometimes, i cannot remember how i went to bed. All i can remember was the time i closed my eyes! LOL! Good thing my husband sometimes gives me a massage and that's the last thing i remember mostly in my evenings!

Maybe the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is so true! hahaha! if there's a chance for us to chat (almost everyday though... especially with me! LOL), my sister ara, my brother akeem, my husband ernie and me all squeezed-in in our room while waiting for janice and my parents to go online! and we chat until we feel dizzy and sleepy!!! I can feel their longing for us... i can feel that they miss us especially ara and akeem. This is actually the very first time that they've been away for more than a couple of weeks. And as an elder sister, i also give extra special care and attention to my younger siblings.

so tiring! so exhausting! But now, I "APPRECIATE" my parents more! i realized how they have worked so hard to give us good life especially good education. imagine, we are 4 children and they have worked so hard to sent us to decent schools. I remember those days herein my mama would go to bed so late and wakes up so early especially if she have scheduled caterings. I can just imagine how tiring it was for her!!! Now I understand why she always complain that she cannot finish the "teleserye" she has been following because she fell asleep!!! So even if my day is a super -duper exhausting one, i never complained! i just put in my mind: MINE IS JUST FOR 3 WEEKS! WHILE MY PARENT'S HAS BEEN DOING THIS FOR 3 DECADES!!! I am so proud of my parents and i love them more!!!